Tamnalysis

The LAST project of 2007. I finished it in time, I just have to take a photo of it ON someone. It's still a little wet, and a little large....and it figures that buffalo doesn't felt, so no fulling the fibers to take up the slack.

Ah, what the hell, this is what I made out of one ball of expensive buffalo laceweight, dyed with KoolAid and knit double. I was hoping I could knit one double stranded and one single stranded out of that yarn, but I am not so sure that can happen. BUT I am sure I can't get hat two done before the deadline, and both hats need to be 100% buffalo for the competition. So the pressure is OFF for hat two. It can be what I want!

I had an AHA moment with this project...one of the normal methods of reducing the crown is reducing once on each point (6 stitches decreased) every row. OR, you could do 12 decreased every OTHER row (one decrease on each side of a fixed point every other row). I had a big deal moment where I decided (remember, I have fine yarn and a 14 stitch repeat to deal with, so I have a ton of stitches to decrease down) to do twelve stitches EVERY OTHER ROW...and the trick part was that I decided to alternate my decrease points from decrease row to decrease row. It sounds insane, but what I GOT was a diamond star on the back of my hat.

I'll post another photo later in the day. It will show better if it's not on the scanner! Two more photos, and I send in my submission.

And comin' off the line when the light turns green....

Well, she blows 'em outta the water like you never seen.

I REALLY like this stitch pattern.  It's from the blue Barbara, pp. 163, Wave and Shield pattern.  It has two complementary patterns that use it as a starting point, which is really why I chose it.  I am having trouble translating a flat pattern into round knitting....or there is an error.  Thankfully, I need to show a project, not a pattern;  I can just soulja on.  ;-)

Guess I'd better hurry up-

I bought a skein of laceweight buffalo yarn at Kid 'n Ewe. As you recall, I dyed it. My whole REASON for buying a skein of BROWN, expensive yarn was to enter this year's Buffalo Gold contest.

The prize is 200.00. I don't really want to win the prize, I want to win a goodie basket instead. At any rate, I need to hurry up and KNIT something to enter. Quick, like a damned bunny. I "lost" my blue Barbara, and spent Christmas Day hunting her down. I found her last night (Oh, I need to organize my stash!!!) So I have 1/2" of project cast on, and a LOT of deadline knitting to do!!!

Texas Two-step

A one:

and two:

Elann Highland Wool (4 balls) and Lion Brand Fun Fur (1 ball). Began 25 Dec, finished today! Fiber Trends Alpine Boot pattern. This project was "good stuff"! They are drying NOW!

These aren't for me....there's a January birthday in Colorado. Judging from the weather, I'll bet she wishes she had them now.

Not knitting!!!

I went FABRIC SHOPPING today. I went to Gorgeous Fabrics, and bought a bunch of 1 yard cuts of jersey. Since I am a lazy woman, they are all "with black". I've been to Macy's and bought a few of those 30.00 tops, and I think a yard of 60" jersey will fill in nicely. And besides, who can resist this? Or this? For 8.20 a yard!! That's a Walmart price, and it will only take an hour. I really like New Look 6405.

I haven't sewn in years, but gwajus fabric like this makes me little.......antsy.

I SHOULD be ashamed of you

because you HAVE no shame.  

DH and I went to the movies.  We were in a VERY short line-maybe 4 people.  We couldn't help but overhear the young woman ahead of us speaking to the ticket seller.

"Do you have a military discount?"

"No, ma'am, we don't."

"You ought to have a military discount.  I put my ass on the line for you.  grumble grumble."

Judging from the size of her ass, she hadn't put it anywhere but on the couch.  

Mind you, in East Cupcake, we have a really sweet deal-it's 5 bucks a person to get in to the movies, and 7 for two large drinks and a large popcorn.  Correction: a large BOTTOMLESS popcorn, which the whiner in front of me no doubt purchased.  Seventeen dollars for two people to go to the movies and get popcorn IS a deal-as I recall, it was 15.00 when I was in high school.

 Whiner was grumbling about a 5 dollar ticket.  In front of 35 years of military service.

And now, for MY knitting pleasure

Playing around with Austermann Inverno. I have two tams I have to finish this week, but all MAJOR obligations are done.

Just under the wire-

You might remember the Wren-Along from May.  I whined.  I complained.  But I knit the whole thing up like a good girl.  

Suddenly, here I am, days away from Christmas.  And I need to finish it up so I can gift it to MIL.  I had the Pfaff hour at my house, a little Euclann bath, and a little tumbling into the dryer (I wanted a denser fabric.) 

Here she is, done up in the Elann Highland Silk that DH bought me for Christmas last year.  Eight or nine balls, if memory serves me right.  Brooch from Burlingtons, about 5.00.  I am going for MIL points this year!

Not child friendly-

We have a Texas Lottery Commission ad that starts out "We are holiday elves."  Somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind, the next line should be "We play with our selves."  This ad annoys the shit out of other people too.

Now, for your stressed out Christmas viewing pleasure-

Fun Christmas music

UnHappy

I ordered two bottles of Clinique Happy for my nieces last week.  My sister-in-law just called.  The bottles came in.  But the photos weren't ours.  She thought it was kind of funny that we got other Asians.   Guess we all DO look alike.   Anyhow, maybe they can send new stickers in time??

In other news, Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant.  BFD.  The rumor is that Nick is talking about a love and sex special.  She's 16 and her boyfriend is 19.  The age of consent is 18 in California, and 17 in Louisiana.   Maybe they should put him on Judge Judy and lock his ass up.  THAT's a love and sex special that kids NEED to see.

Packages from afar-

DH's "I bought you a present" came in the other day.  It was broken.  My gift is to fix the problem, I think.  You can see it in its glory here; the style is Lubeck.   We searched thru the packaging to find the missing arms, tendrils, whatever you want to call them.  They aren't there.  So two of the arms are half arches.  Looks dumb.

In other news, my cousin sent me a package!  Always love that.   Other countries have much better packaging strategies than we do.  The packages always look like you are getting something that's a really big deal.  I am so excited about the year of the Rat linens!  To me, that IS a big deal.  I'm a rat, can't you tell?

So what it it about this guy, anyhow?

About 35 years ago, when I lived in zip code 80501, there was a mythical guy that my father told me about. It was one of THOSE years, and he'd been robbed of his just cashed paycheck; it was a lean winter.

I haven't heard of him too often since then. One year, I promised my niece that if she didn't behave, Santa was gonna bring her Granny panties. It was the funniest thing to see those size 3XXX undies lying in the middle of the courtyard because she got mad and threw them out the window.

Daryl spoke of him first. She said her DH would not go out and buy his own socks OR underwear. Kelly agreed.

So what the is the deal with a man who asks "Got everything under control?" who won't buy his own undies?? Or cologne? Or a damned razor? Do they WANT a bottle of OLD SPICE? No wonder they get shit for Christmas. They won't buy stuff during the rest of the year.

Hi-ho, Undie Claus!

Your Christmas Stocking Will Be Filled with Money

You've either been really really good this year... Or Santa is trying to pay you off!

What Will Be In Your Christmas Stocking?

Yeehaw. And I am on sleevecaps.

'S embarrassing....

Once again, I backed da Bears. Sigh. Growing up in suburban Chicago, it's something you DO-and you either like the Sox or the Cubs, not both. I wish they'd quit embarrassing me.

BTW, I didn't smoke at all today. AT ALL. Not one. Kinda weird going to dinner and not sitting in the bar or running outside afterwards.

Ate like a bastard, tho.

Guess who's coming to dinner?

No shit. I have always aspired to be Mimi Bobeck, but I didn't expect to turn into her. I've been taking Chantix, the stop-smoking drug for about 2.5 weeks now. It works really WELL on the nicotine receptors, however, I am turning into a fat bitch, bless my heart. Chantix has been linked to suicides, and the drug company poo-poos that, but I cry more than a junior high girl now. I am bitchy. And I recognize that I can't take this Rx for more than the original script, there will be no refills for me. I guess I'd better quit sneaking the smokes.

Last week I was making a steamer for one customer, and a single-cup for her fussy husband. The big burly guy (that usually comes in with his 'oh, for God's sake, honey, put a bra on' wife) came in and was standing at the register. The espresso machine sprung a leak. Big burly got a cup and was tapping it on the counter. I almost SCREAMED. And next time, I will just tell him about it.

On the knitting front, it's actually going pretty well-the VKFTCI is almost done.

Heh

I've dubbed "Knitting which must not be named" as "Vogue Knitting for the Criminally Insane".   I have taken to chanting like a Buddhist when I go thru and check the pattern, which is every 2 stitches because someone HAS to interrupt me about silly shit.

While I was screwing around AVOIDING the Criminally Insane, I visited the US Olympic Training Center's page (my dad used to work there), and followed a link for the Olympic Sport & Art Contest.  The prizes are BIG, the deadline is coming up.  I thought it was hysterical when I clicked for the entry form and saw this-

So how much DOES it cost to help someone keep their job this Christmas?

In my case, it cost about 250.00. I asked DH for a Fenton piece for Christmas, too. The box is in the living room, and I want to peek! That's the vase I asked for-isn't it pretty??

Remember last month, when I told you that Fenton Glass Works was struggling, and might go under? They announced last week that they were restructuring, slimming down (and carrying some imports), and the spring catalog was ready to preview!!!

I am proud to live in a country of people who will stretch a little to keep a company like Fenton going. In no way do I think my post really affected their survival, but if it made you reconsider when you made your Christmas shopping list, I think I did well.

Now, what the heck am I going to use this lovely little vase for? I found kits to convert bottles to lamps. I think that's the right way to enjoy her every day.

Now if we can hit insurance companies that will cover Viagra, but not asthma meds, we'll be in business.

I think this is funny-

Edward Scissorhands vs. Sweeny Todd-hmmm, the same lead actor, the same director. Same make-up artist, apparently.

It's the closing of the year, the finishing of old...

We decided last week that it's time to close the shop. So when we lock the doors on New Year's Eve, we lock the doors. Unless some odd thing drops out of the sky that will make the coffee world more viable in East Cupcake, we are totally done.  Enough, already.

In other news, a dear friend is closing a year and a half of hell.

Rudolph!

Note: It's Jewel and her mom.

Hey, remember these-

I cheated on the behemoth project, and looked in another knitting bag this week.  Whew, what a relief to find all this soothing dullness.  

I am about ready to split for the underarm seam-I sure hope I calculated that right, or there will be one big-assed frog party.   And tears.

This is actually pretty long, and will smooth out when blocked.  The coat body is probably about the length of the sleeves.  

Look at how textured the body is when compared to the sleeves (which match!  I think that's the cat's ass!)  

Also notice that there is no lavendar in my coat body.  That's because it's all in the sleeves, ace.

O, the horror!

Good pattern, bad pattern, or wrong pattern??

I've been working on "Knitting that must not be named" for a while now. I swear, it's sapping my will to knit-I haven't even cheated on it. Last night I pulled out my entrelac jail project. Ahhhh. I just knit. And knit. And knit. I know it's dull, but I made progress. And progress has been very slow on "KTMNBN". The reason? It's a bad pattern. And I don't think I'm whining; I know I am a competent knitter. It came with the disclaimer "for the virtuoso knitter". I'll say. A freaking virtuoso clairevoyant knitter. Because someone didn't bother writing a decent pattern!

What contributes to a bad pattern? A complicated pattern is not the same thing-Dale makes complicated patterns, but the instructions are pretty clear-just complex. A bad pattern is the result of a combinations of many things.

Bad photography-if you can't see understand your knitting, and have a question, refer to the photo. But if the model' arm is twisted behind her back, and her hair covers that seam that you want to look at, or there is no view of the tricky part, it's useless. The more I knit, the more I think some of those photos are intentionally posed to hide an unholy mess.

Obfuscated instructions---for example, my sleeve increases must be worked in at point X. Very nice, but point X occurs 5 times on each sleeve, and not necessarily together. So exactly where DO my increases go?

Knitbabble. I worked a two row pattern for three inches before I got fed up and charted it out. Whew. Big help. Now I see it. I needed the overview.

Things that don't work, don't look like the picture, give inaccurate yarn requirements, or don't have the correct stitch count.

"Repeat as for left side, reversing shaping" or "work pattern as for the front" ---these are useless if the reference point was WRONG.

So what makes a good pattern?

Accuracy
Brevity
Clarity.

The festival of lights-

I went to go look up the lyrics to a Hanukkah song I learned in grade school, and couldn't find the song at all, so you'll have to make do with ol' Adam.

And I will write the lyrics out-so they DO exist on the internet. I have no idea what the name of this song is.

Tis the week of Hannukah, good cheer we are bringing,
This holiday we celebrate with dancing and singing,
Gather 'round together the Horah we'll do,
Then join in the song that our forefathers knew.

But hush now, and come now,
the candles we light one by one.
And then hear the story of God and his Glory,
and how precious freedom was won.



Enjoy the candles, enjoy your treats. Hope the song is ok, don't want to upset anyone. My diversity plan is to celebrate EVERYTHING, and damn the torpedos. I don't want to miss anything.

Introducing the IoP

Many of my Elannimal buddies have had a rough year-deaths in the family, serious illness, frozen pipes-you name it, it's been a tricky one.

Dear T, of Gryffinitter fame, keeps her Infant of Prague figure on her stove so that she can light a candle as needed. (She has small people in her house, and on the stove is probably the BEST place to burn anything.  She doesn't really like to cook, either, LoL.) This evening, it finally dawned on me to ask her WHAT her Infant of Prague looks like.

It looks kind of like this little fella, who I bought in Budapest in 1991 for 25.00 He is Goebel HJ14, and from the trademark, he was made somewhere between 1935 and 1950....judging from the paint style, I would say pre-war.

Put in that perspective, someone had to love him a lot to keep him safe thru the fifty years between the start of WWII and the fall of Communism. He's traveled with me from Hungary to Germany to Alaska to Texas. I know he's been thru a few earthquakes. And TWO military moves.

Ask me why I have this. I don't know why a Japanese Baptist girl from Colorado was traipsing thru Europe, buying Infant of Prague figures. Or holy water fonts. But I did.

T reminded me that when I see my HJ14, who I have rechristened the IoP, I should say a prayer. (IoP-sounds like a union, or a secret society, doesn't it?) Up til now, I looked at him and thought about the day that Judy and I traipsed thru the flea market in Budapest.

I think T is right; prayers are in order. THAT must be why he's been with me for 18 years.

Again.

It's amazing what the omission of little words will do to you. When they say "Hold to the front" ask yourself "Do they mean "hold to the front OF THE WORK" or "hold to the front OF THE GARMENT". After knitting the same blah blah twice, and frogging twice, I think that's what she meant.
Damn, wish I was clairvoyant. And this designer would stop mumbling. And I wish they hadn't thrown these in nilly-willy. This shit is exhausting.

Come back, we want to look at 'em again.

It's probably nothing.

I got the letter from the University Health System yesterday. 'Member my boobie-squishing last week? I was laughing with T on the phone...SOMEONE still wants pictures of my rack. Apparently the girls are really photogenic. The nerve wracking part about this? They read the films on-site, while you wait. In an ideal world, every test would be done that way, but this isn't an ideal world. This is a hurry up and wait, you are driving me farkin' BANANAS world. Which is why "While you wait" makes me nervous.

My appointment was for next week. I had to change it because Mark goes out of town. So I get to carry more shit in my pockets for longer. Blech.

Getting likkered up to cook!

I don't have pie-making genes  but I can read a cookbook.  My mom tried to make pie often; her pie filling was always yummy, but the crust was like cardboard.  Like mother, like daughter.  After I married DH, I got into a pie-making groove for awhile.  I finally found a pie-crust recipe that was reasonable.  It was no worse than the Pet-Ritz variety in the frozen food section.  I gave up on pie when he told me he wasn't nuts about pie.  WHAT???  

I've always read cookbooks.  I remember reading "The Peter Max Cookbook" in grade school, and there were several disasters courtesy of Fannie Merrit Farmer's "Boston Cooking School" cookbook.  My favorite has always been "The Joy of Cooking" because that talks about food science.  In THIS century, I discovered Cook's Illustrated.  Holy Schmoly!  The how, the why, and the what of REGULAR food-the secret to oven roasted potatoes, buttermilk biscuits that aren't hockey pucks, real food for my house!!!  

This morning, I took a peek at my HOMETOWN newspaper-not East Cupcake, but Colorado Springs, and guess what I found??  Cook's Illustrated's recommended pie crust.  The secret ingredient is VODKA, which could be right handy if you goof up the pie.  Or anything at dinner.  Or you hate your guests and wish they would go away.  It's perfect for the season!   And probably perfect for all of you that left me shots of tequila under the Christmas tree.  (You notice I got rid of the underpants and condoms under my tree in the last post....it's gone if it happens again.)

So in the spirit of giving, I present you with:

Foolproof pie dough

Yield: 1 (9-inch double crust

2 1/2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour, divided

1 teaspoon salt

2 tablespoons sugar

1 1/2 sticks cold unsalted butter, cut into 1/4 inch slices

1/2 cup cold vegetable shortening, cut into 4 pieces

1/4 cup each cold vodka and cold water

Procedure:

1.  In food processor, pulse 1 1/2 cups flour, salt and sugar until combined, about two 1-second pulses.  Add butter and shortening and process until homogenous dough starts to collect in uneven clumps, about 15 seconds (dough will resemble cottage cheese curds, and there should be no uncoated flour).  Scrape bowl with rubber spatula and redistribute dough evenly around processor blade.  Add remaining 1 cup of flour and pulse until mixture is evenly distributed around bowl and mass of dough has been broken up, 4-6 quick pulses.  Empty mixture into medium bowl.

2.  Sprinkle vodka and water over mixture.  With rubber spatula, use folding motion to mix, pressing down on dough until it is slightly tacky and sticks together.  Divide dough into two even balls and flatten each into a 4" disk.  Wrap each in plastic wrap and refrigerate at least 45 minutes or up to 2 days.

Source:  Cook's Illustrated Magazine

Might as well decorate

Ok, I had to get rid of the Christmas Tree--I've had over 100,000 gifts sent that were simple spam-but let me tell you about my gifts-

Les gave me an elephant Chia Pet-"I chose this for ya so you can make an elephant sandwich if time gets a little short this season!"
Kelly gave me a copy of the movie Elf-I wanted a knitting elf, but this guy will have to do. As we say, meri kurisumasu.
Marie gave me lingerie.
Debbie gave me socks, of course.
S. left me a pony
Lee gave me a trip! Suzann did too.
Clay bustin' princess, Lisa W., Minnie and Enid each left me a shot of tequila. Enid claims that was the second one she left, but I think she drank it.
Evelyn gave me a new car, because mine got crunched up.
Billie gave me brown shoes that look good on me.
Marcia left me virginity, saying "When I was young, I often worried that Id be chosen for the next immaculate conception, and no one would believe."



Enid had one of these at her blog-I learned from sad experience that I couldn't leave a pony under the tree. Funny. I could leave a book on poop, but no pony.

Be creative. Nothing like a box of rocks and a 50 pound booger on Christmas morning!



Grace noted that the presents seem to be disappearing, and she's right. There's a flaw in the code. But I can still go to the site and see what you left!

Thanksgiving leftovers

Oh, yay, Christmas music!

I don't know why I like it-I think it's because they are devoted to each other.

New.

It's been a rough week. This week, finally, some things revealed themselves for what they really are. No frills, no shiny surfaces, no happy smiles. The facades have slipped, melted and crumbled, revealing something vile. I've found that something I've worked on for a very long time did NOT work. Cannot work. Won't work. And I was sad and hurt by it, but I know it is not my "fault".

I think fault finding is generally garbage. Determining whose fault it is usually does not fix it. In this case, you could unravel it back as far as you can go, and still not find the knot in the work, the flaw in the fiber, the unsuitablity of the pattern. But as a whole, the current result is, at first glance, pleasing. And then you look again. And the longer you look, the less you like what you see. You realize what you've been looking at is tromp d' oeil on a pile of crap. There's no one to blame. I suspect that what I see has always been there, but now that it's in different surroundings, the base aspects are flourishing, dominating, and winning.

I used to think that it was funny that I came from a family that feuded so badly, they ripped each other's names out of the family bible. Then again, I used to work with a guy that would say "Sometimes, it just bes that way." Something like that, yeah. It may BE that way, but it doesn't have to BE in my life. So we can make new starts even if it's not New Year's.

And by the way, I am SOOOO not talking about my knitting. Which is aggravating me still, and warranted some frogging, which I did.

Bierocks. Because beer rocks.

I bought "America's Best Lost Recipes" this week. I previewed it at my local library, and noticed several recipes in it that I have made and enjoyed over the years. I was particularly fascinated by the recipe for Runsas (Bierocks) , a perogi variant common in Kansas and Nebraska. A homemade Hot Pocket, if you will. They are stuffed with cooked hamburger, cabbage, onions and cheese.

I made the Runsas last night. They were a little time consuming. I enlisted DH's help in making them, which is kind of like getting a third grader to wash behind his ears. I heard a lot of bitching. I bitched back. It was pretty funny watching DH get his ass kicked by Saran wrap.

There was a lot of chopping and browning. Someone had warned me that the filling tended to be bland, and I tried to compensate for that. It took 2 teaspoons of Penzey's Roast Beef Seasoning (that's salted), 1/2 t. Fox Point, and 1/2 t. Mural of Flavor for two pounds of meat. I think the super lean mean called for is the reason I had to add so much seasoning (or is it because we've aquired the Texas spicy palate?)

They were, in a word-GOOD. DH took a bite and said "That's a keeper," which means I need to keep the recipe. The cheese adds a salty flavor to the filling, the cabbage adds a pleasant crunch, and the dough behaved well. They looked just like the picture. They are hefty and filling. I think they would freeze just fine, but not sure if the filling would get soggy.

I give this recipe four stars. Perfect for a football gathering. They would go PERFECTLY with a mug of beer. Good for cold winter evenings--just add a vegetable soup, and it's a meal. They are fairly complete as they are-bread, vegetable, meat, dairy, all in one. They take a while (2 hours) so if you have a large crew, make a double batch and make it worth your time. The recipe makes eight, and one IS a serving.

Fairy Sprite

Oh, looky! Pretty, isn't it? My summer secret knitting project is revealed! You can see it on Elann.com.

I had a few specific pattern tips--and Blogger is not letting me cut and paste. Dang it.

This can be a simpler to knit top-it's rated as expert, but really shouldn't be-it's knitted as a lace sampler, and everything is knitted in bands separated by stockinette.

1-On the sleeves, the pattern calls for 4 bands of stockinette, then starts a lace pattern AND the underarm decreases on the same row. Bad planning. It would be simplet to just do an additional 4 rows of stockinette and do the major decreases there.

2-Knit it double stranded. Judging from the yardage required for size M, I think they left that out of the instructions. I knit this in two balls of Elann Super Kydd on US 2s.

3-Knit the front and back concurrently, and work the sleeves concurrently.

4-The pattern tells you to cast off with an oversized needle. The knitter should cast ON with the same oversized needle.

5-The stitch counts worked on the bodice, but didn't mean a thing when you are working the main lace pattern in the sleeve.

6-Add a selvedge stitch to the sides.

I have my own month, thanks-

Feel free to steal this button as needed.

Mammograms, and other mindless rambling

I had to go get the girls squished today. To cheer myself up, I told myself "Hey, someone still wants a picture of them."

I also went to the bookstore and picked up a copy of America's Best Lost Recipes...I checked it out from the library and found two of my favorite recipes-Whacky Cake, and Hot Milk Cake. But I don't really think the recipes were that lost....the recipe for Whacky Cake is one I got in 1978 from a girl who married my foster dad. Her brother married my foster mom. Ok, THAT part is a little whacky, but the recipe still lives in my recipe box. Hot Milk Cake came out of Taste of Home-about 1994, I think. I LOVE that one-very tasty, and I haven't made it in years. But that recipe wasn't really lost either.

So are they trying to tell me that I am old as dirt? Mayonnaise Cake-a friend of mine LOVED that-with 7 minute boiled icing with a tiny bit of peppermint extract in it. He's dead now, but if I made mayonnaise cake, I would make it in exactly that way. Again.

Potica? Made that-it's just pretty.

Maybe this book should be called "You have the recipe for this already, but you can't remember which damned book it's in." I really want to try the recipe for Runsas-beef and cabbage buns with cheese. I think the Midwest in me is starting to show. Anyone ever had those??

It's been a total shit day. I've been trying and trying and trying to get along with someone. Apparently, that's all been for naught, or all because I am nuts; my current stance is I'll do it NOT. Ever. Again. Kiss my ass.

(very colorful paragraph deleted)

Thanks for letting me rant a bit.

The Happy Report-

I really wanted to love these. I ordered FOUR of them for Christmas gifts. They weren't cheap. They are "eh". I think the things that dampen my enthusiasm are

1) The photo is adhered via a sticker. It's transparent, so in my case, you have to look really hard to see the photo when the bottle does not have anything behind it. The photos on the Clinique site are a little misleading.

2) The transparent sticker, along with its position on the BACK of the bottle means that I will never see my mom's picture without an atomizer stem running thru the middle of it.

Opinion: If you have the technology to make a clear window sticker at home, do it yourself.

Other things that dampen my enthusiasm-family issues have made this one banner freakin' day. I am aggravated beyond belief. And hurt. And angry.

I am not afraid to use this for society's greater good

A man came to see me Friday. We sat and had coffee. After he left, I sent this photo to my DD, with a note explaining that he had come around asking questions about DGD. Very pointed and nosy questions. My DD received this information just in the nick of time, because DGD had just informed her mama that this man couldn't see inside of cars. She was sitting next to her mama when the picture popped up.

This Gramma knows a lot of people with many talents. This man is like the CIA. He has a large staff and a lot of contracted operatives who are all VERY careful to protect his mission. If I were you, I would be VERY careful not to make a mistake. The people he blacklists are very, very sad.

Betsy vs. The Color Brown

I personally have nothing against the color brown. What I hate about the color BROWN is that I already AM brown. I have light olive skin-no rosy cheeks, just plain ivory-beige. I have ordinary dark brown hair (but not brown black) - just middle brown. It's starting to pinstripe up pretty nicely. My eyes are weird-they are light brown-close to hazel, with a lot of yellow in them. Not those pretty dark brown eyes that glow or snap.

If I wear brown, I am a monochromatic mess. My face feels dirty. I don't sparkle. Put me in boring navy---boo-yah! I LOVE it. Red? Love it. Black? Bring it on!!! Brown? Holy God, put some makeup on, girl.

This also applies to anything remotely yellow or orange, and some greens. My relationship with green is kind of weird. I spent many many years wearing a green uniform. I'm actually fine in green, I just don't wanna wear it.

People have sworn that I need a pair of brown shoes. I find this puzzling. People who don't wear brown don't need brown shoes. I personally need black, blue, and an occasional smattering of cordovan. Pretty simple. Grey shoes are great.

We all know what happens when people wear colors they shouldn't. If you have a copy of the latest (mumblemumble) catalog, take a look. You know the one-where the lady uses her staff as catalog models? Nice idea, but it didn't translate to print very well.

So, to clarify my position on the color brown-BROWN IS A VERY NICE COLOR FOR OTHER PEOPLE. If YOU like brown, I've left you plenty on the rack. You should thank me for being so nice to you. I've been this way since 1980. Don't bother trying to talk me into brown. It won't work, and I don't have the shoes to go with brown clothing anyhow. HAHAHAHA.

Wild Fibers contest

Wild Fibers and Buffalo Gold yarns are sponsoring a "Make it with Buffalo" contest. Top prize for a hobby knitter is 200.00. Losers get a chance at a buffalo gift basket-and THAT'S what I want. I've been leafing thru the Barbaras, and finally found two patterns that complement each other. My plan is to make two hats, one double-stranded, and one single stranded after the hatband, using the same stitches. I should be able to get TWO hats out of this single, expensive skein of laceweight.

The color is, at the end of the day, a warm, rich rusty color, which I still can't wear, but is at least interesting to knit.

I've FINALLY found my rhythm on the stitch pattern of the knitting that must not be named. I had to chart it up AND knit more than two entire balls of sweater bottom, and sleeve cuffs that 5" long, to get comfortable with the pattern. Plus, I went out and bought a new set of bamboo circs, which seems to be the right needle for the yarn. Shheesh. This pattern is rated EXPERT. I think it should be rated TORTURE.

Yarn haul

Two skeins marvelous wool from the Plain & Fancy Sheep & Wool Company, Henderson, TX. The color is Stained Glass, Six skeins Berrocco Zen for six dollars.

Two skeins Brooks Farm Tierra, a chunky lambswool alpaca blend.

Two skeins Solana, a Brooks Farm chunky superwash (right), and one of Acero, a wool, silk and rayon blend.

Buff naked!

I went to Kid 'n Ewe with Chris today. It's a small fiber fest in Boerne (pronounced Burnee) that features a lot of natural and local fibers. I met Ron Miskin from Buffalo Gold yarns. I really LIKED the buffalo laceweight, but it's BROWN. BROWN BROWN flat brown. He had a few dyed samples, and I asked him if they were acid dyed. He said YES!


As soon as I got home, I put my plan into action. Four packs of Black Cherry, one of Naranja-Tamarindo, one of Strawberry, and one of Kiwi-Watermelon (which promised a neon drink) Koolaid.

I dampened the yarn, mixed up my Koolaid with tablespoons of water, and spooned it onto the yarn, nilly-willy. I nuked for 10 minutes, and it worked. There is virtually no difference between the Black Cherry and Strawberry on the dark brown, but the Orange Tamarind made a beautiful bittersweet shade. I like this a lot better now-it's autumnal, and colorful in a subdued way. Now it must marinate, til I come up with a plan.

BTW-note to enquiring minds-they shed in the spring, so fleece picking can't happen until February or so.

What's it cost to give someone their job for Christmas?

Earlier this week, I was at the local Healthy Woman gala. Someone walked up to our table and said "So and so is going to lose her job at the Senior Center because they don't have enough members." There was, of course, some conversation back and forth about who to see, and what the membership fee was (15.00). One of the ladies at my table said "Heck, I'll join if it means she gets to keep her job." Well put. I was trying to figure out how to buy a membership-and I'm not old enough to be a member. (Nothing like getting carded when you are near your 50s, eh?)

This morning, I heard Aqua Dots moved from the "Hot Christmas Toy" list to the "recalled piece of crap imported from China" list. I was surprised-just a few months ago, these made it to the hot Christmas toy list-and now they've been recalled because the coating on them cause comas or seizures if kids ingest it. Yet another toy from China recalled this year. Those struck a chord with me because I considered getting them for DGD. I would have felt like hell if I bought a toy that put my grandchild in the hospital.

I made a donation to A4 this year, so some little Afghan kid will be warm. I donated canned goods to my local church this afternoon, so the Thanksgiving food baskets will have a few extra peas and carrots to go around. There's a lot to be done for people near and far.

Two days ago, I found myself browsing expensive lumps of glass because the Fenton Art Glass company announced their closure plans about 10 weeks ago. They've been going for over 100 years, made it through the Depression and two World Wars, but can't beat this economy. I bought. It might not make a difference, but maybe it will help someone hang on to his/her job a little longer. I figured my chunk of change might not be all that significant, so I did a little letter writing. If Fenton products were mentioned by Martha Stewart, Oprah, Country Living, and the like, maybe a few people could keep their jobs. Fenton can probably use all the help they can get.

Maybe there's a (US or Canadian) company on the brink, something that you like or that supports your local economy. Maybe all they need is a little publicity. Spend the "stuff I am not going to buy because it was made in China and has been recalled" money to help someone here keep her job. The alternative is unemployment, and THAT's expensive.

Happy Christmas

It's early, I know. I stayed up til 2 last night working on Christmas presents for the girls in my family.

I love personal gifts. I hate gift cards and canned gifts. I was never so disgusted at Christmas as I was the first year I was in Germany. I stood in line to buy local currency at the bank, I hurried downtown to shop before the stores closed at noon on Saturday, I stood in line to mail gifts. We got a Hickory Farms gift box. Blah.

I work hard to find just the right thing. The digital age offers a lot of possibilities....especially for those 20 somethings. A new copy of Oprah came in yesterday, and the press for Clinique Happy caught my eye. You can upload a photo and put it on a bottle! How cool is that?

I used Grandma and DGD photos. I should have them in two weeks. I'll let you know how they turn out.

Ha. Ha.

Welcome to middle age.

Stick a needle in my eye

I took a break from entrelac jail for some KNITTING THAT MUST NOT BE NAMED. It's a pattern from a well-known magazine. It's rated at expert. It would not be that hard, except they didn't bother to chart it out. It's one of those evil patterns that have you working your knitting self to death on the right and wrong side rows. While I can figure out what to do on the right side row, I was really struggling with the wrong side. I couldn't find a rhythm.

I was rapidly losing patience, so I sought out knitters graph paper, and just charted both the right and reverse rows. The fiendish eighty stitch pattern was penned into 26 squares, rendering it 2/3rds less powerful. It's docile now, and trudges back and forth from needle to needle.

Oh give me a home....

I am excited because Kid n Ewe is in Boerne next weekend. One of the things I am looking forward to is finding some buffalo yarn. I may have my own buffa-tunity in the future.

I am a city girl who knows a lot of country folk. A friend of a friend, who knows someone's son, who is friends with...you know the drill. Anyhow, there are buffalo within a 30 mile radius, and I mentioned that I was interested in the shedded winter coats. There may be an opportunity to go out and harvest some of that fiber in the spring, when they shed/molt/get rid of their winter coats.

I have only seen one large wild creature shed its winter layer, and that was a musk ox at the Anchorage zoo. (Lisa, you ought to talk to them. That's a quiviut-tunity if there ever was one.) The poor guy looked like Bob Marley after a bender. Are shed buff-locks even suitable for spinning? I don't know this answer!!!

I am a little nervous, a little worried about how much buffalo shit I will have to step in to get 10 pounds of buff-locks. Will I just take a roll of garbage bags with me? And is 10 pounds enough? Where will I send it to be processed? Will I add wool? (Yes, probably, because I will probably need fleece helper to yield enough fiber for yarn.) Can you picture it? "Honey, please wade through buffalo shit with me for my birthday..." Can you imagine being charged because you spooked the herd, flapping that dumb Hefty bag in the wind? And snakes. SNAKES!

What processing would I ask for? A 50% 50% blend of Buffalo and Merino? What would THAT look like? Oatmeal colored? Toast? I'd have to knit something for the rancher, because that's just the way things are.

This possibility is a long way from fruition-but there is a possibility on the horizon.

So now I can kill cats

Relax. I am referring to firepower, not intent.

I'll never forget the first time I fired a weapon. It was in the spring some 25 years ago, and I fired an M-16, thinking "I could hurt someone." As it turns out, I never had to fire at anyone, but I did get damned good at cleaning them. So good, I embarrassed several teen-aged boys during annual qualification, because I can reassemble an M-16 very neatly.

That's all I fired until a few weeks ago. DH found the local range, and I went out there and tried to fire his Dan Wesson. I wasn't all that good, but that's a big gun for my small hands.

He was happy I went out with him. I was happy I finally got to shoot without being timed or someone yelling at me. He was so happy, he bought a Ruger 10-22. He bought THIS and that, and some fashionable hunter accessories, and went out and fired it.

Last weekend, I went out to the range with him. We took turns-5 shots on his target, 5 on mine. Somewhere in the middle of all that, he started making adjustments. "No honey, it shouldn't affect you." Hmmm. I was born at night, but not LAST night. If he is making site adjustments for HIM, it affects me. My accuracy went downhill quickly; I was all over the target.

We got ready to leave, and I resolved to take my time. I was pleased. Ok groupings. I realize it's just a squirrel killer, but I did all right. (shhh-don't tell anyone, but I did better than my spouse!)

DH poses as Millhouse-

heh. DH should not send me photos with admonishments. "Don't put this on line" is like a red flag to a bull. Why tempt me with things like that??

Halloween humbug-and easy costumes-

I read an article today about this year's Halloween costumes and their skank factor. Seems some parents were a little upset by the racy factor. The article mentioned Party City, so I wandered over to their website to take a look. Holy crap. Most of the girls' and women's costumes were crap. We can be sexy vampire, sexy RAGGEDY ANN (travesty!), sexy mermaid, sexy little Red Riding Hood, sexy cave woman. The list goes on and on. Very few are clever. Or cute. Or modest without looking slightly retarded.

I thought about why Halloween has become a spandex and boobs holiday for women. I think it must be because spandex and boobs don't actually need to fit well. And they can be sewn up cheaply. But I am irritated with the skank factor.

So, in the spirit of actually DRESSING UP (as opposed to undressing), here are easy costumes-

1) Fifties girl-plain capris, flat shoes, bobby sox, ponytail, big white shirt and scarf
2) Thing 1 or Thing 2- Red T-shirt and turquoise hair spray. Tease hair. Spray with color, don red shirt.
3) Tea bag-two white garbage bags-fill lightly with grass clippings, leaves or straw. Staple together at shoulders. Add string and tag.
4) Bride of Frankenstein. Tease hair. Put in white racing stripes. Powder face, do makeup as desired. Put on white robe. (Old Princess Lea costume recyling!)

Be something besides a bimbo for Halloween!

Where we play with tams, lace and swirling Autumn leaves

I had to break out of Entrelac Jail this weekend. IWK has a great lace tam in the Christmas knitting issue. I cast on for it, looked at the chart and said "Shit, that's boring." I think part of the reason I love tams so much is the impromptu design opportunity, so I rummaged thru my Barbara Walkers instead.

In book two, there is a lace leaf border. I used it as a central motif for my hat. I dug out the tam formulas from an old IWK, and decided on a swirl top. I dorked it slightly, but managed to pull it out successfully. I was supposed to K2tog every row, right before each marker. Unthinking, I worked it like a wheel (every OTHER row) for about 10 rows, then had my DUH! moment. Oooops. It inadvertently added more depth. My hat is REALLY big. 'S ok, my DD has a big ol' head, it will be perfect for her.

I also paired eyelets with the decreases. Every fourth row, I worked a YO K2tog right after the marker, so it added a little laciness to the top.

Knit in Elann SuperKydd, double stranded, carried with a strand of CTH Suri Alpaca laceweight. I think I have enough to make a second hat.

More stuff I want to keep in mind-

I was cruising Project RunGay and saw these GREAT Catherine Malandrino jackets. Ok, Blogger is being crabby, just click on the bars.

Looky, looky!

Air Force Basic Training Photos! You gotta love it! DH and I searched for our photos-I have to scan mine in, because they don't have it.

Can you find someone YOU know?

Match Game

My sleeves match. Fairly well, actually. I'm sure that would make my sewing teacher proud. I, for one, was relieved that the colors came up right and made matching 'not a pain in the ass'.

The one thing I have noticed about my pattern that bothers me is that my entrelac squares start out at 20 stitches, and get progressively smaller in subequent tiers. But the pattern doesn't tell you HOW to do this without leaving a hole, or having a short side and a reallly long edge. How am I handling it?

I pick up as many stitches as I can fit in the area. On the return, I evenly space my decreases. For example, I might pick up 20, but finish the return row with 18.

To make sure my blocks aren't long skinny ribbons, I work the block as directed until I have two stitches left on the left-hand needle. Then, I slip1, K2tog, Psso. That makes the row count shorter.

I am not sure if they are technically correct, but these seemed like the right methods for this garment. Stay tuned for the results!

Both sleeves-DONE! I have twopointfive complete tiers done, and I am getting ready to start my second hank of Kauni. Do I have enough?????

I think I've found my true calling-

Everyone has a destiny. Lately, incidents and events occured that are, perhaps, indications that I have a promising career as a Secret Shopper. I'm really qualified at both components. The Secret part-I've become an oba-san (a little frumpy Japanese woman that doesn't look like she's going to buy squat), and the Shopper part-trust me, if there's a good buy, it had better be in my cart. I am the perfect secret shopper because I look so average. And I am not swayed by a stupid pitch.

You remember my diatribe about an extra project bag? I got brave and ordered something else from the same company on Oct 9th. On the 10th, they wrote,

Good Afternoon Ms Junior Goddess:

I'm sorry to inform you that we are all sold out of Country Meadow Cedar. Would you like us to fill your order without that item?

Regards,

I ordered SIX balls of that yarn. Which, according to the website, were all there. Yeah, ok, two oops in a month, from the same company.

Many of you survived Monday's Great Rowan Calmer Famine at Elann. This past week, all four sale colors sold out in three minutes. Three. I tried SO hard to get some, and had to give up, empty handed.

YESTERDAY, someone popped up and said, "Hey, the good place to buy yarn in MA has it on sale." So I skedaddled over and put 12 balls in my cart, hurried and paid. Six of those were for me, and six were for AmyQOY, who was trampled in the Elann Calmer Famine. Fifty-eight remained in stock.

This morning, I got a message from the good place to buy yarn in MA:

Thank you for your order! I am writing to notify you that the 12 skeins of Rowan Yarns Calmer in color 487 that you ordered is currently out of stock. We are anticipating getting some of the yarn back in stock, but we do not know the quantity as of yet. We should know for certain in about a week as to whether we will be receiving more of the Calmer in stock. We will contact you again depending on whether we are able to fill your order or not.

If you have any questions, please contact us.

We greatly apologize for the inconvenience!


I need to be a secret shopper. I spend a lot of money on yarn. This year, Discontinued Name Brand Yarn has about a 35% order fulfillment oops rate. Herrschners has about a 10% rate, and Webs, the same.

The small independent shop I ordered my SeaSilk from has a 100% error rate. I called in my order. Benne called hers in a few hours later. Benne got her yarn a week later. I figured out that there was an error when she called me to tell me about her yarn. Technically, Benne got MY yarn, but it's not her fault that the store sold the same hank to both of us. It took me three months to get all components of my order.

In 2007, the only company with a 0 error rate is Elann. I have heard of very few errors since I started shopping there.

Is it my calling to become a Secret Shopper? Or am I simply taking one for the team?

Still in entrelac jail.

I kept seeing today's date

and wishing you Happy Birthday, Dad. I thought about going out and having a chocolate bar to celebrate your birthday. The first thought that struck me was "You are supposed to be dieting." The second thought I had was "I am still mad about that damned Hershey bar you had the day before you died." That freakin' thing just pissed me off.

Everyone talked about a heart attack, but I read a receipt for a big-assed Hershey bar and the words "complications of diabetes mellitis" on your death certificate.

I know what you were thinking. Chocolate fixes a lot of things. In this case, it both fixed and broke you all at once. I'm still sad about that stupid candy bar.

When it was time to get you ready to go, I didn't know what to do. I made sure that you had your cowboy boots on, and I spit shined them. I tucked a picture from your birthday in your wallet-the one we took two years ago, with you and all the girls. I've never seen you look prouder. Dang, I wish I had a copy of that photo, it was my favorite. Here is another photo from that day.

I am really glad we had the party, glad we surprised you, glad we all squished into the studio at Walmart and took the picture (hey, who's the round-eye in the picture?) glad everyone showed up on time and played well. If you are only going to have one birthday party, that's the kind to have.

Evelyn wanted to know: I am the exhausted woman at the lower right.

On math and entrelac-

The reason I wrote Shirley Paden was because the VK pattern had one tier decreasing one stitch. On the return, the stitch magically reappears, making an undulating entrelac. Which is a damned FASCINATING concept, but not for this coat.

I think Shirley wrote me such an in depth explanation because the VK site is down, and she only wanted me to pester her once. It was nice of her to make the effort.

Entrelac-Tober Coat update

Here it is! I should be finishing this tier today. It should bring me right up into where I need to be for the sleeve; I'll be finishing up on the moss, and starting the mauve.

I had a staredown with the directions this week. Vogue's site is down, so I wrote Shirley Paden, the designer, for clarification.

Dear Shirley,

I have a question about the Entrelac Coat pattern in the Fall 06 Vogue Knitting. I have checked Vogue's website (they are down, kind of sorta) and I did not see corrections for this particular garment. On the instructions for the back, it states that I am to decrease 1 stitch on each block in band 3 (18, 19, 20) stitches. On the next band, I have the impression that I have to increase 1 stitch in each block, because the stitch counts read 19, 20, 21 stitches.

Am I correct in assuming that the bands decrease in size until there are (15,16,17) stitches in each block? And don't undulate back up in size? (I'm on the first band, so I need to know this fairly soon!)

Thank you!


Shirley wrote me back! She said

Hi Betsy,

Your assumption is correct. When you look at the schematic you will see that the shape is a trapeze. Therefore, the coat is wide at the bottom, then gradually tapers to a more narrow width at the shoulders. To do this the number stitches in the rectangles are decreased by 1 stitch in each of the rectangles based on the number picked up as you build out the rectangles on every 3rd rectangle row. For example, for size Small there are 19 sts in each of the 4 Back rectangles = 76 sts for the first and second Rectangle Rows, then 15 stitches in the 4 rectangles in the 9th and 10th rows at the shoulders = 60 sts. For size Medium there are 20 sts in each of the 4 rectangles = 80 sts at the Bottom Back and 16 sts in each rectangles at the shoulders = 64 sts. For size Large there are 21 sts in each of the 4 rectangles at the Bottom Back = 84 sts and 17 sts in each of the 4 rectangles at the shoulders = 68 sts.

If you divide the number of total stitches by the stitch gauge of 3.07 sts = 1" you will get the correct width in inches for each section. For example 76 divided by 3.07 = 24 3/4" at the Bottom Back for size Small, 80 divided by 3.07= 26" at the Bottom Back for size Medium and 84 divided by 3.07 = 271/2" at the Bottom Back for size Large. The decreases are worked as follow: Size Small: Rectangle Rows 1 & 2 have 19 sts in each of the 4 rectangles, Rectangle Rows 3 & 4 have 18 sts in each rectangle, Rectangle Rows 5 & 6 have 17 sts in each rectangle, Rectangle Rows 7 & 8 have 16 sts in each rectangle, Finally, Rectangle Rows 9 & 10 have 15 sts in each of the 4 rectangles. Size Medium: begins with 20 then after decreasing on every 3rd Rectangle Row 4x there are 16 sts in each of the 4 rectangles on Rows 9 & 10. Size Large begins with 21sts in each if the 4 rectangles, then decreases 4 times to 17 sts in each of the 4 rectangles on rows 9 & 10. Using this decrease method we can begin with a Bottom Back Width of 24 3/4" for size Small, 26" for size Medium and 27 1/2" for size Large and end at the shoulders with 19 1/2 " for size Small, 21" for size Medium and 22 1/2" for size Large.

I hope this will help you. I also hope that you have an established relationship with a local yarn shop. They can usually help you through knitting problems. If you have not already done so, I recommend that you read and work through the sample project in the article that I wrote to accompany the project in that VK issue. Working the project while reading the article will give you a solid understanding of the Entrelac concept. If you have already read the article I think the brief explanation above of the technique as it is used in the coat construction will enable you to easily knit the coat.

I hope you will send a photo of the finished garment.

Shirley

Wow! She was very thorough.

Just for my reference-I did 3 rows of rib in a needle 3 sizes too big. Base triangles were done with 20 stitches, first row of rectangles have 20, and the return has 19. I did this specifically because I want it shorter-so on this next tier-the third, I will be re-joining the pattern at the "fifth" tier, which should take about 10" off the bottom.

I am ever so slightly worried about running out of yarn. I bought 530 grams of Kauni to team with a never-ending cone of Gardiner's of Sekirk. The pattern called for 2688 yards, and I have 2300+, but I am making mine shorter. I have no earthly idea at this point if I have enough, but Astrid has only the 1000 yard hank left right now. It's time for me to knit and see.

More comedy from the Betsy Show-

I had serious doubts about the pattern for my coat, and there aren't any corrections on VK's website. (That's been down for weeks. ) I wrote Shirley Paden about it, and guess what? She answered. More about that later this week.

I have the base row done, as well as MOST of the first row of rectangles. I am very glad that the blocks get smaller as the garment goes on. VERY VERY glad. This thing is going to go on forever-I have almost 300 yards in, and I haven't even made it to the 2nd tier. Hope I bought enough yarn.

My Discontinued Name Brand Yarn order came in. Can't believe I asked for an additional project bag. It wasn't all that. The yarn is beautiful, tho. So gorgeous, in fact, that I tried to place another order today. HA HA HA. No really, I saw some other stuff, and said "Hey, So and So would like that!" Buying Christmas prezzies for my yarn buds is getting harder and harder-it's a challenge to buy something they don't have. We all shop at the same place!

I saw all this Wool in the Woods (who is going out of business, BTW) and thought-"hey, this will be nice" Well, I placed my order early this morning. Around two, I got a message that said "Ms. Mamo, we are sold out of blah blah." (Sorry, Benne, that blah-blah was the perfect yarn for you, and they don't have any left.) I wrote them back and said "Dammit, let's go for coffee." Can't believe it. Not another snafu.

Got great stuff in at the store--it's my Christmas stuff, and I am out of room! I really like it, and the price points are just dandy. I can't wait to start putting in on the shelf. I am a month early.

Lastly, I heard a great joke yesterday-

What's the difference between an introverted engineer and an extroverted one? The extroverted one will look at your shoes. HA HA!