Monday, October 15, 2007

I kept seeing today's date

and wishing you Happy Birthday, Dad. I thought about going out and having a chocolate bar to celebrate your birthday. The first thought that struck me was "You are supposed to be dieting." The second thought I had was "I am still mad about that damned Hershey bar you had the day before you died." That freakin' thing just pissed me off.

Everyone talked about a heart attack, but I read a receipt for a big-assed Hershey bar and the words "complications of diabetes mellitis" on your death certificate.

I know what you were thinking. Chocolate fixes a lot of things. In this case, it both fixed and broke you all at once. I'm still sad about that stupid candy bar.

When it was time to get you ready to go, I didn't know what to do. I made sure that you had your cowboy boots on, and I spit shined them. I tucked a picture from your birthday in your wallet-the one we took two years ago, with you and all the girls. I've never seen you look prouder. Dang, I wish I had a copy of that photo, it was my favorite. Here is another photo from that day.

I am really glad we had the party, glad we surprised you, glad we all squished into the studio at Walmart and took the picture (hey, who's the round-eye in the picture?) glad everyone showed up on time and played well. If you are only going to have one birthday party, that's the kind to have.

Evelyn wanted to know: I am the exhausted woman at the lower right.


Evelyn said...

Hi Bets
What a beautiful picture of your family. I'm confused though. You said you wish you had a copy of the picture and then you put it on your blog. Is this the one you put in your Dad's wallet? Or is this a different picture?

Also, I don't know which one is you. Is it the cutie in the front with the blue shirt on. She looks like a shy quiet young lady and that couldn't be you. How about filling us in.

I completely understand the pain you are feeling today. My Mom also was a diabetic. Every time I went to the nursing home to visit I found large bags of candy in her drawers. My sister said that she liked it and why shouldn't she have it. It's the same scenario as the family sitting watching their loved one dying of cancer and smoking a cigarette at the same time. Our Palliative care doctors say that we should not deprive them of the things they love...they are going to leave us anyway. I understand how difficult it is to get your thoughts around this. If he enjoyed the chocolate bar, then he was happy. And, didn't you want him to be happy?
Take care my friend....Evelyn

Grace Yaskovic said...

Happy Birthday to Bets' dad!! The photos are so lovely!

Suzann said...

Happy Birthday Betsy's Dad! I am glad you had the chocolate bar and a super send off. I hope I can go with a chunk of chocolate in my maw. And not any of that medical gunk. Rock on Dad you look super.
Love the family picture Betsy. We never got to take one. My brother and his family were in upstate NY and we are in Virginia. And my former SIL wasn't family friendly. At least not my family.
Love ya Bets

benne said...

Ah, Bets, these anniversaries hit hard, especially the first ones. The picture is priceless, your dad looks very pleased with his family gathered around him. My theory is that sometimes things happen that are a blessing when what lies ahead is a more terrible thing. At least, that was true for both my dad and mother.

If I start feeling really puny, I'm having a vodka/tonic and a slice of cheesecake. Sometimes they know, your dad had his Hershey Bar.

It's still just damn hard to give them up, no matter what, and I'm sorry your dad had to go.


Joan said...

Bets, what lovely endearing photos and your precious Dad looks so happy in each. Like everyone else, I am glad your Dad had his lovely Hershey's bar before he passed. Of course, Godiva might have been better but he was probably a simple man. ;-}
You did him proud, bets, don't be sad. He's waiting for you.

Lisa W. said...

hugs.this is hard stuff.

Minnie~Knits said...

Hope you're dealing ok...I think writing about it in a journal (or on a blog) can be very therapeutic.

Enid said...

I'm sorry I came by so late.
but happy late birthday Bets'Dad.

Sandra D said...

Thanks for sharing the pics of your Dad. My impression is he was very lucky to have you guys (btw, rarely have I seen a bride look as beaming and happy as you going down the aisle!). I can relate to your feeling ticked off about the candy bar, like with my father, why did he wait so long to go to the doctor even with obvious cancer signs. They just do what they want to do, as I guess we will someday to the despair of our own children.
Take care, Bets. It's so good that you are remembering the happy times, I think he would want that.

Billie said...

A beautiful family, Betsy.

smariek said...

That's a great family photo. It's so hard to get everyone together for these things. You still have the wonderful memories together...