Friday, November 23, 2007

New.


It's been a rough week. This week, finally, some things revealed themselves for what they really are. No frills, no shiny surfaces, no happy smiles. The facades have slipped, melted and crumbled, revealing something vile. I've found that something I've worked on for a very long time did NOT work. Cannot work. Won't work. And I was sad and hurt by it, but I know it is not my "fault".

I think fault finding is generally garbage. Determining whose fault it is usually does not fix it. In this case, you could unravel it back as far as you can go, and still not find the knot in the work, the flaw in the fiber, the unsuitablity of the pattern. But as a whole, the current result is, at first glance, pleasing. And then you look again. And the longer you look, the less you like what you see. You realize what you've been looking at is tromp d' oeil on a pile of crap. There's no one to blame. I suspect that what I see has always been there, but now that it's in different surroundings, the base aspects are flourishing, dominating, and winning.

I used to think that it was funny that I came from a family that feuded so badly, they ripped each other's names out of the family bible. Then again, I used to work with a guy that would say "Sometimes, it just bes that way." Something like that, yeah. It may BE that way, but it doesn't have to BE in my life. So we can make new starts even if it's not New Year's.

And by the way, I am SOOOO not talking about my knitting. Which is aggravating me still, and warranted some frogging, which I did.

5 comments:

Joan said...

Eh, pfooey on them all. You totally ROCK, girl!

Gryffinitter said...

That is the beauty of knitting, bets. When teh little sucker of a project starts turning ugly you can rip it back to the beginning and either start over or find a new purpose for that yarn...even if it is tying tomatoes to their stakes.

And what Joan said.

(Finds her self agreeing with Joan a lot and wondering if maybe she should point the car north one of these days...)

Enid said...

I can totally relate.

You did the best you could with what you knew. The twists and turns and stupid things that others do are their choices and consequences. Some are bridge burners, some shit in their own nests. Some do both. NOT a bright future if you know what I mean. Unfortunate but not your cross to carry. It's their turn.

Frog away, frog away.

smariek said...

Yeah, what Joan said! Don't let 'em give you aggro.

Can't watch the video, the audio broke on my laptop.

Sandra D said...

Bets,
Whew, thank god you weren't talking about knitting! Anyhow, what everyone else said. You do the best you can, you can't control what other people do or don't do. And be open to changing perspectives (your own and others), I find that happens a lot in life, especially where family is concerned. Hope things improve soon.