It's been a rough week. This week, finally, some things revealed themselves for what they really are. No frills, no shiny surfaces, no happy smiles. The facades have slipped, melted and crumbled, revealing something vile. I've found that something I've worked on for a very long time did NOT work. Cannot work. Won't work. And I was sad and hurt by it, but I know it is not my "fault".
I think fault finding is generally garbage. Determining whose fault it is usually does not fix it. In this case, you could unravel it back as far as you can go, and still not find the knot in the work, the flaw in the fiber, the unsuitablity of the pattern. But as a whole, the current result is, at first glance, pleasing. And then you look again. And the longer you look, the less you like what you see. You realize what you've been looking at is tromp d' oeil on a pile of crap. There's no one to blame. I suspect that what I see has always been there, but now that it's in different surroundings, the base aspects are flourishing, dominating, and winning.
I used to think that it was funny that I came from a family that feuded so badly, they ripped each other's names out of the family bible. Then again, I used to work with a guy that would say "Sometimes, it just bes that way." Something like that, yeah. It may BE that way, but it doesn't have to BE in my life. So we can make new starts even if it's not New Year's.
And by the way, I am SOOOO not talking about my knitting. Which is aggravating me still, and warranted some frogging, which I did.