Monday, August 31, 2009

At odds with the day...

DH and I keep finding odd moments in our day where the absence of Sugar is a gaping, screaming hole. When we moved in to this house last fall, I noticed the sound of paws on berber, as if they were puppy paws, and it always made me smile. It's so quiet now. DH sat finishing a spoonful of peanut butter, and had just a smidge left on the spoon. He stared at it, and knew that no dog would clean the spoon. It's so still.

She was a good girl with a big personality. I stare at the dog-nose-level smudge on the back door's window, and realize I need to clean it. It occured to me more than once last night that if anything bumps that window now, I would probably die of fright.

I think about her face during the last days, where my dog was no longer herself, where she stopped responding to pets and chatter, and I have no doubt it was the right time. I think it was pain that I saw in her face, DH thinks it was dementia, and at the end of it all, it doesn't matter.

I looked on Craigslist and at the Texas Boxer Rescue pages already. Nothing serious, just browsing. I suck at being dogless. I bought Astro when I was in the depths of despair during my divorce, and that was 20 years ago this month. It was the best money I ever spent. I've owned a dog every day since then. Suddenly, there's no dog in my house.

When DH came back from the vet's, he 'scolded' me. "No strays, no dragging home a puppy!" Which is a big freaking joke, because he brought Sug home instead of my new dishwasher 13 years ago. "Best damned dishwasher you ever had!" Yeah, yeah. So I told him "Look, either a puppy, or you need to let me plan a trip. Your choice."

I started looking at air fares last night. We haven't traveled together since our good neighbors watched the dogs, and Lady Eve's dad has been dead two years. DH fussed "I want this if we are going to go..." He was surprised that I found the vacation of his dreams and a price we can afford, if we start now. He's been tasked to calculate his days off, and to find out how many SkyMiles he has. Hopefully, this Christmas will see suitcases and passports. And we'll get a dog after that.

I've suffered a creative lull lately. Enid found this clip, and I think it presents some interesting concepts. I will probably start working upstairs more often, because I won't notice the dog is missing.


Channon said...

We send our most heart-felt sympathies your way. I hope time will heal your wounds and bring you another darling doggy when it is right.

Ria said...


Darcys Knotty Knitter said...

I know the lose of a beloved pet is deep ((((Hugging You)))) Darcy

Anonymous said...

So sorry to hear about your loss. A beloved dog is wonderful to have, and their absence is painful. Thanks for the description of her memory in your home. My suddenly widowed friend is glad to have her dog and kitten for company. Hugs, Jamie

Cindy G said...

Hope the hurt is easing a bit - it takes time, I know.

I do want to thank you for that absolutely fascinating video. So much to think about there.