Tuesday, August 01, 2006

"My problem is....."

MY problem is that when someone says that to me, they are usually lying. How about this one-

"My wife died; I have a dispensation to grow my hair and fingernails because I'm Orthodox. I used to be a nurse, but got out of it when she died of cancer. I went to France for three years to work under this chef who yelled at me a lot. I used to be a master chef, but I quit that when my mom had a stroke. I used to own a really profitable steak house between Midland and Odessa-my potatoes were flown in from Idaho, I used farm fresh vegetables... I'm enrolling in school next door to get some refresher nursing classes....." Deep breath. I am 46 years old, and know a BS story when I hear one. My biggest clue-

" I want to try this experiment-I want to filet a whole salmon, and put it on a cedar plank with lemons, tarragon, maybe some dill, and grill it. Then I wanna make a sauce out of some really nice smoked salmon with cream, maybe a little dill..so it's thinner than a mousse, but still thick, and put it on top...."

"Horseradish too?" I ask helpfully. "Yes maybe a little."

Sigh....now I am not the smartest woman in the world, but I am pretty sure a master chef doesn't have to EXPERIMENT with cedar planked salmon. And I have a little experience with smoked salmon (my house smelled like a campfire for weeks when I made it, but my wedding guests enjoyed it.)

All in all, cedar planked salmon with a smoked salmon mousse sounds like......a waste of salmon. Or a regurgitation of every Food Network salmon show ever produced(Bobby Flay meets Iron Chef?). And the Nursing School next door doesn't teach refresher courses, only entry level classes to prep people for the state LVN exam.

I am SHOCKED that someone bothers to choreograph such an elaborate production for ME.


Bri McStan said...

I think you were being hit on. He wanted to impress you with fish plank dinner. HAHAHA!

junior_goddess said...

Ok, THAT is wrong on a lot of levels. And he's missing a front TOOF!


enid said...

"uuh I caught you this delicious bass. errrr salmon!"
you know who else gets their potatoes flown in.

OOH OHH my side hurts.
stop stop you're killing me.

must stop laughing!!

see ya

junior_goddess said...

I'm gonna sic him on you!


Kim said...

Is he also wearing a toupee and a plaid leisure suit? I bet Enid could put him in his place. Either that or smile so pretty ya'll will never get rid of him.